Fuck, fuck, fuck and oh yeah - fuck.

Seriously turning here to rant, rave, vent, cry and just get some of this shit out.  I cannot even begin to express how my heart breaks for so many people in my life and out there in this wide world, but especially teens and young adults.  I have so many friends that have children that are struggling so much right now. 

I know that the pandemic is real, but it's the silent one that is sneaking up on all of else that has me up at night.  So many friends have their kids in therapy right now.  Some that are beginning to show signs of anxiety and depression, eating disorders, self harming, attempts to self terminate.  All of the bases are covered in the worst possible way.

My youngest had an appointment with her psychiatrist today and we going to try a 3rd antidepressant.  She was in tears and hurting herself tonight because she didn't want to take it because she doesn't think this one will be any better.  This one also has a side effect of stimulating appetite which is putting her newly developing eating disorder into a tailspin.  I know the only reason she took the pill was because I started crying.  I don't know how to help her.  

We are going into 2 years of therapy and she is only getting worse.  Started this journey trying to help her manage her anxiety and panic attacks (which she is handling like a fucking rock star!) and now we have severe depression and not eating to the point where she is no longer hungry.  She had been limiting her intake, which of course  I did not notice to full blown not eating at all (I did notice that one).  Since she has turned up the volume so to speak she has lost 19 pounds in about 6 weeks.  

Thank God we had an appointment with her pediatrician about her blood pressure issues and she noticed the weight loss since her last appointment and she asked her about it.  We were going to talk to her therapist about it the day before, but that appointment got cancelled.

So now her pediatrician, psychiatrist, therapist are on board and we are waiting for the specialized eating disorder therapist to contact us once he has all of her info and ducks in a row.

I am absolutely shitting myself over the number of people that I know personally and see or talk to on a daily basis that have a child in crisis...and they know 2 people...and they know 2 people...like a bad Faberge Organics Shampoo commercial...

I feel like she is a newborn again and I have to sneak into her room at night to see if she is ok.

so, yeah - just - fuck. 

 

It's been a long time...

 Well, hello there...

It's been a long time...

 a really, really, really long time.

As I sit here, sipping on my peanut butter whiskey (made by Screwball, go check them out - I hate whiskey, but this stuff tastes like the inside of a Reese's peanut butter cup!) I realized that I haven't posted in forever and in these crazy times, what else am I gonna do?  It's not like I don't have the time...I might not have the motivation or the talent, but when has that ever stopped me before?

It has been really interesting to go back and read thru my earlier posts and some of the comments that I missed.  Sorry folks, if I had seen them, I would have actually responded.

I could post how many different ways that this year and last year have sucked, but quite frankly I don't have the energy.  I am thankful that I have my family, a roof over our heads, food in the pantry and that the hubs and I still have our jobs.

One of the major standout life sucking items tho - the girls and I got an interesting diagnosis the end of 2019 that we were trying to get our heads around  before the ol' poo hit the fan.  My youngest has had various issues over the years involving her joints and chronic pain which led us to a geneticist and the verdict of Hypermobile Ehlers Danlos syndrome.  

Fun fact...it's genetic...another fun fact, I gave it to her...and her sister...kind of...

Went to that appointment with the geneticist armed with information - paternal history, photographic proof and prior doctors appointment, ready to prove that the hubby (long story and prior visit to geneticist) did this to her...karma - you are indeed a bitch and you have very big teefs.

While this has connected a lot of dots for them and myself about different issues we have had over the years, it just fucking sucks.  

As I continue to research and go down the google rabbit hole...articles, videos, support groups...it doesn't seem to get much better.

Rare(ish) disorder - check (1 in 5,000, thank God we don't have the vascular kind!)

No known cure or treatment other than management of symptoms - check

50% chance they can pass it along - check

Anxiety, depression, early onset osteoarthritis, osteoporosis, dysmenorrhea (painful periods), chronic pain, chronic fatigue, ETC...(these are some just our "main" symptoms). - check and check

It's like the gift, that keeps on giving.

Meanwhile for the oldest one...not quite hEDS, but undetermined Hypermobility Spectrum Disorder with 4 out of 7 markers for Marfan Syndrome - Marfan Body Habitus.

Good news- everyone one had an echocardiogram and everyone's hearts look good!

Bad news - we still have a connective tissue disorder with semi-defective collagen...collagen that just happens to make up 30% of the human body...

Ok, enough of the pity party.  Just needed to grab the festivus pole a little early and air this grievance.