Mental Illness and Heart attacks...out of the frying pan and into the fire

So my mom had to cancel her psych appointment to take my dad to the emergency room...

have I mentioned that one of the things that may have led her to "vacation" was the constant care of and fear of my dad dying at any given moment?!

 

His heart kept stopping and his enzymes were a little elevated, but them let him go...

he is quite famous at several local area hospitals for a variety of reasons, the most blatant one being that he is still alive. 

 

My mom has always been my source of information on how they are doing while my dad has always sugar coated the issue...

for example...

Dad:  I'm going in for a little procedure.

Mom:  His going to have a cow artery inserted into his forearm for dialysis

 

And now I have to depend on my dad for info on my mom.

he hasn't even looked at the paperwork from when she was released...we don't even know her diagnosis

my guess is bi-polar

and some of her cognitive tests indicate early signs of dementia...

 

so who knows, maybe her little breakdown helped them get an early diagnosis for the dementia and she can actually get some treatment that can help.

 

They only upside of this so far is that I am actually developing a relationship with my brother...it's a little late in coming, but I think we are both okay with that...he actually just called me while I was typing this to see if I was okay

 

:)

Trying to keep on with the keeping on..

Trying to be the little engine that could, but my caboose is dragging...

got totally shit-faced drunk on white Russians last night and then unloaded all my pent up emotional ju-ju on the poor hubby.

he took pity on me, bought me fast food this morning and disappeared with the girls for many hours to Balboa Park so mommy could recover

 

my mom got out of the mental hospital on Friday and is back home

talked to her this morning for a bit

going to be a long road back for her and I am not sure how to deal with it

we had a pretty rocky relationship to start with and some of her tirades did not help at all

I know she went off the deep end and was crazy, but when your mom gives you an eat shit look, tells you that she can't even look at you and then starts yelling things about me to the wall...its a little hard

 

I tried to describe it to my brother as it wasn't so much that she stabbed me in the heart, but bleeding from a thousand little cuts eventually takes its toll

 

the other part that sucks...she only got personal and nasty with me...she would repeat things to other people, make these crazy lists, try to get my 7 year old to help her sort her meds for the week and just be generally "manic" but with me she criticized my parenting, told me I was an outsider, blamed me for my father's health problems and tried to change some of our history be rewriting it in her favor...

 

They say you can't change stupid...well, I've discovered that you can't defend yourself against crazy and you can't "un-hear" things even if you know that someone wasn't in their right mind when they said them... 

Vacation...or as I like to call it - a preview of Hell...

 

If I say Vacation...

you would probably think of relaxing, comfortable, carefree days...

 

If I say Vacation on Florida's Emerald Coast...

You may add beautiful water and white sandy beaches

 

Some may even throw in a Unicorn and a rainbow or two...

 

 

None of these things happened.

Oh, don't get me wrong...the beautiful water and white beaches are still there...we just didn't really get to see them more than once...

Did I mention I was there for 4 weeks?!

 

Here's where the multiple rant/purging sessions begins..

 

the beginning...

 

Should have known something was up when our inbound plane coming to take us out of

San Diego was late that something was amiss...

Then when we hauled ass thru Houston's airport and missed the connecting flight by 3 minutes, only to find out that it left 4 minutes early...I should have started praying or burning some sage or something...

The airline put us up for the night and gave us some vouchers...really kind of them considering it was their fault.  I have no idea why that let that plane leave early...there were at least 7 of us that missed that connection and we would have made it if they had just held to the schedule.

 

I already have to take a break.

 

The preview of days to come:

setting up to care for ill father in mother's absence

monsoon like rain for 7 days

vomiting child

another vomiting child

water moccasins in back yard

snake in garage

mom's delayed plane

mom's complete mental breakdown

mom's 1st hospitalization

trip to Walmart for enemas and depends

mom's 2nd hospitalization

mom's involuntary 72 mental hold

leaving ill father to come back home while mom is going to be held for longer period of time...

 

someone start the assembly of the White Russian brigade

 

 

 

 

My life as a tree...

This is how I started out and how I am perceived by most people

 

Tall, Strong, Not easily bent or pushed over, long lasting, able to stand the test of time..

This is what I am after months and months of verbal beat downs, sarcasm, insults, dirty looks and disrespect...
 

I can only support you, console you, comfort you, so much...
I can only offer a limited amount of advice...
I can only offer so many suggestions...

before I just plain ol' run out...


I can only take so much negativity before it seeps into me
I can only take so many insults before I overflow
If you take your life out on me, who did I get to take mine out on?
The kids?
No, the buck stops here
and it sucks


Baby Steps

I feel like a proud new momma!!!

 

 

My mom got to take my dad home and he is walking again :)

He uses a walker and they had to rearrange the house a bit, but he is home and taking the necessary steps (haha) to get back on track.

Mom has even taken him out on a couple of field trips to work and getting his hairs cut.

They even have a neighbor that recently became a massage therapist and she is going to come over and massage his legs one or twice a week.

He is going to dialysis 3 times a week, but we are in the hopes that he can stop in the not too distant future or at least go for 3 hours instead of 4 1/2...his bony ass just can sit still that long.

 

He wants to try and drive the block a bit...no worries though, his right leg was unaffected and his doesn't drive a stick...I do hope that my mom goes with him tough...

partly for his safety and the safety of others, but mostly for mine...

 

I have a secret...

 

He asked me to stash a pack of cigarettes and working lighter for him before I flew back home...

and I didn't.

 

I did leave a very sweet and heartfelt card, but I don't think he is going to see it as sweet.

 

He even threatened to cut off my Christmas present.

 

I love my dad more than I love his money.

 

I also told him that I couldn't ask him to do something that i wasn't willing to do myself.

 

I smoke when I drink, when I am home in Fla and when I am mad, but no more : )

We'll see how is goes when I actually go back home, but I think I can do it.

F&*% me running in a snowstorm...

I just can't keep up!

 

Too much, too fast, too often

 

My dad's health...a summary

 

2/15 goes in for procedure to have clot removed from fistula

2/16 starts coughing up blood, goes to ER then home

2/17 starts coughing up too much blood, 911 and a ride to the ER...bleeding to much, can't do tests...gets lights and sirens all the way to big hospital a few towns over...

2/18 still bleeding, being observed

2/19 go up his leg, into his heart and over to lungs to stop bleeding

2/20 bleeding stops but has an embolism in his spine and now does not have use of his legs

2/21 in looking for answer to legs, realize that his aneurysm has grown and needs to be handled

one way of handling aneurysm will kill kidneys, so have to travel to Texas to get fixed...on his own dime!

While Dad is in hospital...Mom starts having major, serious IBS issues and has to take herself down to the ER

Things stay the same and they start looking for rehab facilities to get legs back on line while waiting for answer from Texas

2/26 I fly home, Dad goes to rehab, Mom falls apart

they start to fight and I have to keep them separated for 2 1/2 days

He is doing great at rehab and even walks 24 feet with little help

3/3 I fly back home

3/4 he starts going downhill a bit, gets a fever has to get a Foley cath, has breathing issues

3/5 transported by ambulance to yet another hospital, has 2 blood transfusions, gets breathing treatments every 3 hours for COPD issues and goes on dialysis in the am

 

I need a drink!

 

Will probably fly back home again in a week or so...

feels kind of feels good to vomit all of this out : )

 



mmmm.beer...

Channeling my inner Homer Simpson

waiting for the hubby to come home after filling up his growler

 

local brewery that has some pretty awesome stuff

 

and I am super excited because he is NOT bringing home an IPA

 

we use to laugh and gag at those hop-py pints of fermented piss and now he not only drinks them...he likes it and the hop-py-er the better

 

guess he finally found a way to keep me from drink his beer

 

I have been on a chai latte & Bailey's kick anyway

 

cheers

 

: )