Trying to keep on with the keeping on..

Trying to be the little engine that could, but my caboose is dragging...

got totally shit-faced drunk on white Russians last night and then unloaded all my pent up emotional ju-ju on the poor hubby.

he took pity on me, bought me fast food this morning and disappeared with the girls for many hours to Balboa Park so mommy could recover

 

my mom got out of the mental hospital on Friday and is back home

talked to her this morning for a bit

going to be a long road back for her and I am not sure how to deal with it

we had a pretty rocky relationship to start with and some of her tirades did not help at all

I know she went off the deep end and was crazy, but when your mom gives you an eat shit look, tells you that she can't even look at you and then starts yelling things about me to the wall...its a little hard

 

I tried to describe it to my brother as it wasn't so much that she stabbed me in the heart, but bleeding from a thousand little cuts eventually takes its toll

 

the other part that sucks...she only got personal and nasty with me...she would repeat things to other people, make these crazy lists, try to get my 7 year old to help her sort her meds for the week and just be generally "manic" but with me she criticized my parenting, told me I was an outsider, blamed me for my father's health problems and tried to change some of our history be rewriting it in her favor...

 

They say you can't change stupid...well, I've discovered that you can't defend yourself against crazy and you can't "un-hear" things even if you know that someone wasn't in their right mind when they said them...