Monday, December 13, 2010

1 Step forward and 2 steps back...I need a better kind of dance

This is getting really old, really fast...
Spend the morning cleaning up my 3 x 6 kitchen - I SHIT U NOT!!!!  This is the floor space I have in my kitchen...if someone opens the fridge - I can't get out!  So, clean the kitchen, only to bake ginger snap cookies and screw it all up again...get in a hurry...leave it that way...go to brunch at friend's, come home, do some work, go pick up kid, go to store, go to othrodontist, go to another store, come home start dinner, get kid changed to go to 2nd voice recital in 7 days...leave dinner hot in the oven, come home after being tortured by 2 year old toddler dance routines...only to have the hubby have a fit on the way to buy his new driod phone because he has been in a messy house!!!!  Ugh!  Go grab a ginger snap and a beer and leave me alone!  I know it isn't only the house the is bugging him...see previously mentioned WWIII with his mom...shit really does roll downhill : (
But it does suck when I get the brunt of the shit storm on me....oh, well I hear my boyfrined calling me from his prision inside the fridge...Hold on Mr. Adams I'm coming!!!!!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

18 years and counting...Happy Anniversary to us!

Yes, it's true...been married for 18 years and together for almost 20!  It has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, but with a lot more ups than downs.  The downs have been pretty close to approaching the firey pit of Hell itself, but they have been few and far between.  Celebrating this year family style and taking the kiddies to the Old Globe Theatre down in San Diego and seeing "The Grinch".  Always wanted to, couldn't afford, but  we said screw it and whipped out the plastic....always going to be indebted one way or another, might as well treat the kids ; )

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Lost: My Mojo - reward Offered

LOST:  My motiviation, my desire, that twinkle in my eye, the drive needed to properly & effectively care for those to which I am legally accountable and bound.
LAST SEEN:   Thankgiving weekend.

Did I use it all up?  Am I having some delayed reaction to the bullshit that is my exteneded family?  Nervous about heading home for the holidays?  Not really sure, but mealtime around here has been less than representative of the major required foods groups, the house is a mess, the dog hasn't been really walked, I have been eating like SHIT, not doing anything even resembling exercise...and I don't see an end in sight.

REWARD OFFFERED:  I promise not to infect you with this mojo sucking juju bug...and maybe throw in some ginger snap cookies (granma's recipe!)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Why do I clean house so much better when I am alone?

I cannot stand having anyone else in the house while I am cleaning.  It is not as tho I have some ancient chinese secret (remember that laundry commercial?!) cleaning product...I'm not sneaking out any porn...I just have some serious ADD issues and can't bear to be cries for "mom", no bright and shiny objects...I need to dig in and keep going...why I have to walk over the pile on the floor to get into the closet and start making a mess, before I clean a mess????  It's like I have to make sure everything is ok in there and put away because maybe, just maybe something from the pile on the floor may be able to fit in there.  My hubby says I don't really clean anything, I just destroy the house in my vain attempts at making it more organized.  Hey, with 1,323 sf, 2 adults, 2 kids and a dog...I HAVE to be organized.  This I have no insight at all,'s just who I am and it makes my family batshit...So, in my house it's all or nothing...needs to change, but I would rather read or surf the net if someone else in the house...gonna be a big girl now, get off the computer and clean the 4 year old room without going into the closet...maybe...

Monday, December 6, 2010

hack, hack, cough, cough

The cooties have caught up with me (and the 4 year old), but I am hoping we can get rid of the crud before we infect everyone and way before we head to fla for Christmas...emergen-c, vitamins and no house cleaning : )
Me, my nook and my cuddle bug, snuggling up under quilts surrounded by remote controls and streaming Netflix...let the healing begin...

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I think I figured it out...

So, I may have figured out why I am sooo bummed today over all the bullshit...extended family version...
It's not so much that people may or may not truly like me, it is that they listened to what their mommy said and believed it...granted when they were children they didn't have much choice...but as adults they haven't taken into account who I was to them or how I behaved with them or towards them or how I've lived my life or how I have been there for them and others in the family when needed...they chose to believe the lie.  They still choose to believe...I do believe that knowledge is power and I also believe that knowledge can make you very, very sad...

First bad fallout day

Today is the first day I have felt ANY kind of bad since the mil showdown...ok, so I hyperventilated for a while after the initial phone call and a bit after the second one when she was actually looking for her son...but I have really been at peace about the whole thing because it's like she gave me a "get out of jail free" card.  I don't have to put up with any shit from her anymore...but, like all cancers, it seems as tho other "organs" are being effected...apparently my 2 youngest sils have basically been raised to not like me and have been feed a pretty hefty dose of anti-me meds for quite some time...and the bad thing is that my apparent evilness has been a bit of an inside joke with most of the family for the 18 years that I have lived here...the best part - the hubby and I had NO IDEA!!!!!  Even new people that have been brought into the family are privvy to the info, but not us...the people involved have pretty good fake faces that they put on...they are pleasant and act nice, but in the background they are holding things against me...and now for the kicker....things that I DID NOT DO!!!!!  And even better?!  Wait for it...some of the things that I have "done"....I haven't even been told what they are!!!!  Yes, tried and convicted and had not idea I had been charged : (  I could handle it when it was just the mil (she did something similar to this 4 years ago...burn me once shame on you, burn me tice, shame on me and your OUT!), but now that it is a bit more widespread, it's a little harder to deal with...I may come off as a hard as nails Bitch (yes, capital "B") but I am soft and mushy on the inside.  Feels like the rug has been yanked out from under me and I can't even imagine how my man is dealing with all this.  looks like he backed the wrong horse...somehow everything ends up being my fault...even poeple outside our family that know what's going on said that if anyone went ot my mil and tried to talk sense into her that it would be blamed on me if I could influence the way poeple think and act...I would have a much different life...hell, they could even say my husband is pussywhipped...i'm good, but i'm not that's a little something to chew on folks...maybe, just maybe he has his own opinions and can make his own decisions?!  I think that since he went away when he was 19 and came back when he was 25 (with me practically in tow mind you...I moved out 5 months later) that they blame the fact that he grew up and became a man in the meantime with thoughts, dreams and such of his very own, that somehow I took over his brain because he was no longer at their beck and call...Folks, its called growing up...he would have behaved the same way with me or not!!!!  ok, I feel a little better and don't have to dump this on my poor's out here, it is real and it exists...and now I will try to forget it and move on...with one final - If you don't like me, that's fine...just don't act like you do!  It takes too much energy to be false and I am too lazy of a person to waste energy on people like you...related to me or not, you can FUCK OFF!!!  Felt pretty good!  not even going to waste anymore energy even typing about you people (I hope!) with that I leave you cyberspace for my ipod and a house that needs cleaning ~ L8!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dodging the bullshit and trying not to get any on me

So....when the shit hit the fan with the mil...I thought "Okay, I'm done" and have since moved on...who knew so many in the fan damily would be drawing this shit out...for almost 7 weeks now...the hits just keep coming...most of them targeting me, but unfortunately landing on my hubby and kids : (
I hate what this is doing to him and how it will eventually effect my kids...what grandma is their right effing mind walks by the grandkids and doesn't acknowledge their church?!  Even if she didn't hear them say "hi" (2 different kids) wouldn't you expect her to?!  Maybe I am being hypersensitive, but I am thinking not...
We didn't get invited to the family Thanksgiving, or a bil's birthday party...mostly because apparently everyone has been informed that we are no longer attending family functions for a while....SO F^*%ing NOT TRUE!!!  I SPECIFICALLY told her that I would not keep hubby or kids from her and that any invitations extended to our family would probably only be attended by him and the kiddies...that I needed time to heal from her attack...and by attack I mean her screaming at me that I need "to take care of J, take care of the girls and stay out of everyone else's life" can you feel the love?!  I wish this was all she did or said, but it kind of sets the can figure out the rest probably isn't too good. 
Gonna go channel this frustration and clean the shit out of my house while the hubby is off doing his 1/2 marathon...I may have to take up running just so I can skip out and go to Vegas ; )