Monday, December 13, 2010

1 Step forward and 2 steps back...I need a better kind of dance

This is getting really old, really fast...
Spend the morning cleaning up my 3 x 6 kitchen - I SHIT U NOT!!!!  This is the floor space I have in my kitchen...if someone opens the fridge - I can't get out!  So, clean the kitchen, only to bake ginger snap cookies and screw it all up again...get in a hurry...leave it that way...go to brunch at friend's, come home, do some work, go pick up kid, go to store, go to othrodontist, go to another store, come home start dinner, get kid changed to go to 2nd voice recital in 7 days...leave dinner hot in the oven, come home after being tortured by 2 year old toddler dance routines...only to have the hubby have a fit on the way to buy his new driod phone because he has been in a messy house!!!!  Ugh!  Go grab a ginger snap and a beer and leave me alone!  I know it isn't only the house the is bugging him...see previously mentioned WWIII with his mom...shit really does roll downhill : (
But it does suck when I get the brunt of the shit storm on me....oh, well I hear my boyfrined calling me from his prision inside the fridge...Hold on Mr. Adams I'm coming!!!!!

Sunday, December 12, 2010

18 years and counting...Happy Anniversary to us!

Yes, it's true...been married for 18 years and together for almost 20!  It has been one hell of a roller coaster ride, but with a lot more ups than downs.  The downs have been pretty close to approaching the firey pit of Hell itself, but they have been few and far between.  Celebrating this year family style and taking the kiddies to the Old Globe Theatre down in San Diego and seeing "The Grinch".  Always wanted to, couldn't afford, but  we said screw it and whipped out the plastic....always going to be indebted one way or another, might as well treat the kids ; )

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Lost: My Mojo - reward Offered

LOST:  My motiviation, my desire, that twinkle in my eye, the drive needed to properly & effectively care for those to which I am legally accountable and bound.
LAST SEEN:   Thankgiving weekend.

Did I use it all up?  Am I having some delayed reaction to the bullshit that is my exteneded family?  Nervous about heading home for the holidays?  Not really sure, but mealtime around here has been less than representative of the major required foods groups, the house is a mess, the dog hasn't been really walked, I have been eating like SHIT, not doing anything even resembling exercise...and I don't see an end in sight.

REWARD OFFFERED:  I promise not to infect you with this mojo sucking juju bug...and maybe throw in some ginger snap cookies (granma's recipe!)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Why do I clean house so much better when I am alone?

I cannot stand having anyone else in the house while I am cleaning.  It is not as tho I have some ancient chinese secret (remember that laundry commercial?!) cleaning product...I'm not sneaking out any porn...I just have some serious ADD issues and can't bear to be cries for "mom", no bright and shiny objects...I need to dig in and keep going...why I have to walk over the pile on the floor to get into the closet and start making a mess, before I clean a mess????  It's like I have to make sure everything is ok in there and put away because maybe, just maybe something from the pile on the floor may be able to fit in there.  My hubby says I don't really clean anything, I just destroy the house in my vain attempts at making it more organized.  Hey, with 1,323 sf, 2 adults, 2 kids and a dog...I HAVE to be organized.  This I have no insight at all,'s just who I am and it makes my family batshit...So, in my house it's all or nothing...needs to change, but I would rather read or surf the net if someone else in the house...gonna be a big girl now, get off the computer and clean the 4 year old room without going into the closet...maybe...

Monday, December 6, 2010

hack, hack, cough, cough

The cooties have caught up with me (and the 4 year old), but I am hoping we can get rid of the crud before we infect everyone and way before we head to fla for Christmas...emergen-c, vitamins and no house cleaning : )
Me, my nook and my cuddle bug, snuggling up under quilts surrounded by remote controls and streaming Netflix...let the healing begin...

Sunday, December 5, 2010

I think I figured it out...

So, I may have figured out why I am sooo bummed today over all the bullshit...extended family version...
It's not so much that people may or may not truly like me, it is that they listened to what their mommy said and believed it...granted when they were children they didn't have much choice...but as adults they haven't taken into account who I was to them or how I behaved with them or towards them or how I've lived my life or how I have been there for them and others in the family when needed...they chose to believe the lie.  They still choose to believe...I do believe that knowledge is power and I also believe that knowledge can make you very, very sad...

First bad fallout day

Today is the first day I have felt ANY kind of bad since the mil showdown...ok, so I hyperventilated for a while after the initial phone call and a bit after the second one when she was actually looking for her son...but I have really been at peace about the whole thing because it's like she gave me a "get out of jail free" card.  I don't have to put up with any shit from her anymore...but, like all cancers, it seems as tho other "organs" are being effected...apparently my 2 youngest sils have basically been raised to not like me and have been feed a pretty hefty dose of anti-me meds for quite some time...and the bad thing is that my apparent evilness has been a bit of an inside joke with most of the family for the 18 years that I have lived here...the best part - the hubby and I had NO IDEA!!!!!  Even new people that have been brought into the family are privvy to the info, but not us...the people involved have pretty good fake faces that they put on...they are pleasant and act nice, but in the background they are holding things against me...and now for the kicker....things that I DID NOT DO!!!!!  And even better?!  Wait for it...some of the things that I have "done"....I haven't even been told what they are!!!!  Yes, tried and convicted and had not idea I had been charged : (  I could handle it when it was just the mil (she did something similar to this 4 years ago...burn me once shame on you, burn me tice, shame on me and your OUT!), but now that it is a bit more widespread, it's a little harder to deal with...I may come off as a hard as nails Bitch (yes, capital "B") but I am soft and mushy on the inside.  Feels like the rug has been yanked out from under me and I can't even imagine how my man is dealing with all this.  looks like he backed the wrong horse...somehow everything ends up being my fault...even poeple outside our family that know what's going on said that if anyone went ot my mil and tried to talk sense into her that it would be blamed on me if I could influence the way poeple think and act...I would have a much different life...hell, they could even say my husband is pussywhipped...i'm good, but i'm not that's a little something to chew on folks...maybe, just maybe he has his own opinions and can make his own decisions?!  I think that since he went away when he was 19 and came back when he was 25 (with me practically in tow mind you...I moved out 5 months later) that they blame the fact that he grew up and became a man in the meantime with thoughts, dreams and such of his very own, that somehow I took over his brain because he was no longer at their beck and call...Folks, its called growing up...he would have behaved the same way with me or not!!!!  ok, I feel a little better and don't have to dump this on my poor's out here, it is real and it exists...and now I will try to forget it and move on...with one final - If you don't like me, that's fine...just don't act like you do!  It takes too much energy to be false and I am too lazy of a person to waste energy on people like you...related to me or not, you can FUCK OFF!!!  Felt pretty good!  not even going to waste anymore energy even typing about you people (I hope!) with that I leave you cyberspace for my ipod and a house that needs cleaning ~ L8!

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Dodging the bullshit and trying not to get any on me

So....when the shit hit the fan with the mil...I thought "Okay, I'm done" and have since moved on...who knew so many in the fan damily would be drawing this shit out...for almost 7 weeks now...the hits just keep coming...most of them targeting me, but unfortunately landing on my hubby and kids : (
I hate what this is doing to him and how it will eventually effect my kids...what grandma is their right effing mind walks by the grandkids and doesn't acknowledge their church?!  Even if she didn't hear them say "hi" (2 different kids) wouldn't you expect her to?!  Maybe I am being hypersensitive, but I am thinking not...
We didn't get invited to the family Thanksgiving, or a bil's birthday party...mostly because apparently everyone has been informed that we are no longer attending family functions for a while....SO F^*%ing NOT TRUE!!!  I SPECIFICALLY told her that I would not keep hubby or kids from her and that any invitations extended to our family would probably only be attended by him and the kiddies...that I needed time to heal from her attack...and by attack I mean her screaming at me that I need "to take care of J, take care of the girls and stay out of everyone else's life" can you feel the love?!  I wish this was all she did or said, but it kind of sets the can figure out the rest probably isn't too good. 
Gonna go channel this frustration and clean the shit out of my house while the hubby is off doing his 1/2 marathon...I may have to take up running just so I can skip out and go to Vegas ; )

Monday, November 29, 2010

Just another Monday

Had a pretty good 4 day weekend with the family, didn't get much done around the house, but the house will ALWAYS be in some state of disarry...I do not live in a museum...I LIVE in my home.  I don't always clean up the kitchen when I'm done cooking, it's so friggin small I don't want to be in there anymore when I'm done AND our dishwasher is named "Mom"...breakfast, lunch and dinner for 4 people leads to some messy dishes...after a big long weekend I usually do the dishes when we run out of silverware.
I did get up and head out to join the Black Friday madness (I haven't done it in about 4 years) and it was totally worth it...better have been...stood in line for 90 minutes just to pay for my crap at Kohl's.  I wasn't about to stand in the line at Target after that and didn't even dream about going to time good deal folks...spent about $135, saved $293 and got $20.00 in Kohl's cash. The bummer was that I got stuff we right now, so not too many gifts, but that's okay.  Gonna go back today and buy some more crap.

Friday, November 26, 2010

First holiday with our "new" extended family - a success!!!!

So, we went to Thanksgiving dinner at my sister in law's aun'ts place (she and I married brothers)...and it was beyond awesome!  The food was delicious, the people (all 22 of them in a two bedroom apartment mind you) were welcoming and the drama...basically non existent!!!!  There was one episode, but we had no backstory and didn't even realize it was going on...these guys even fight nice!  I have never felt so loved and welcomed and my children sooo catered to outside of my mother's house.  We were about to get out the cro-bar (sp?) because my kids didn't want to leave.  Thanks aunts K & K for loving us warts and all!

Spent time with hubby's baby brother and his lovely ladies today!  And by lovely...I mean it!  Thank God Miss I is so nice and sweet because otherwise I would have to hate's bad enough to feel fat and have self esteem issues...try hanging out with a former international model (she's been on the cover of more than one Vogue, more than one time!) with a french accent!  She is beyond beautiful, taller than me, thinner than me AND is about to pop out a new baby for us to love on so she is effing glowing and spouting off phermones too!  And of course their daughter is beautiful too AND speaks french...did I mention that she's only 3?!  Merde!  It was great to see them...turn a trip to the nature center into dinner and out for dessert as well and the cousins got along great for not seeing each other for so long.

Oh, hark I hear my poor lonely bottle of Baileys calling me!  Later!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

the birth of new traditions

It is amazing to me that my hubby is one of 6 children, 5 of them live in the same county, 1 lives an hour or so away and NO ONE really wants to get together for the holidays, birthdays or celebrations of pretty much any kind.  It used to be different, but as the family has grown it has become a major hassle/pain in the ass.  To me part of the fun of family is being ass deep in folks that are supposed to love and care about you no matter what...not just call you when then need something moved, painted or other fun manual labor type b.s.
So, now that I am not speaking to my mil, I have the freedom to do WHATEVER I WANT!!!!!  Traveling to Florida is now officially carved in stone (we've gone the past 3 out of 4 years because it is just more pleasant over there!)  I have trimmed the tree, decorated my stairs, overhauled the 2nd story balcony in a whole new way, busted out the fancy snowmen dinner plates that I have had for 15 years and NEVER used, and put up a small, lighted tree in each girl's room and let them each deocrate a wreath on their doors.  Behold - I am the Martha Stuart of the Trailer Park!!!  All fear me and beware my wrath!  Also, with the whole lack of communication spreading a bit thru the troops it is gonna cut way down on my baking time and let me focus on actually enjoying the holidays and really appreciating the people that appreciate me!  So now each night I will curl up with my nook and my Baileys laced hot chocolate and just simply be me : )

Friday, November 19, 2010

skipping Thanksgiving (not really) and headed right to Christmas

So I had a moment of temporary insanity and busted out with all the Christmas stuff last weekend and now I am damn skippy close to putting it all up...
Thanksgiving is going to be different this year becasue we are not really speaking to my mil and not really sure when we will...Me?!  I'm thinking cold day in Hell, but for my hubby's sake I hope it's sooner (for him, not me).  She never really pays that much attention to my girls (only before and after church for the most part) they aren't really missing out much there...did I mention that she lives 3 miles down the street?!
So...since Thanksgiving got switched around and the girls and I are headed out to fla before the man...we are starting Christmas early!  Got the tree up (lights only...getting puppy boy used to the idea) lights on stairs and just attacked and finished the 2nd story balcony...couple of little knick-knacky things to go and it's all done except for the baking : )

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

Stop the ride mommy...I wanna get off...

Taking 5 in between cleaning out fridge (so I could put away the groceries I bought...didn't really need and REALLY didn't have room for...before the purge) and trying to wrangle the 4 year old into the tub before the shit hits the fan and she finds out she has to get her portrait taken after we pick up her sister from school...
I have the feeling I will be bribing her with ice cream or a new toy before it's all over...the best part is that she will act like an out of control demon for the ENTIRE day and then right as the photographer walks up whe whips out her halo and wings and turns on the charm...everyone else thinks she's this perfectly behaved angel...oh yeah?!  call me on the phone sometime and her the angel "singing"...i double dog dare ya!  she actually made the phone cut out one time when I was talking to a friend in FL becuase she was screaming so loud...not because she was in pain, not for any valid reason...just because...
next time Daddy can take her to jc penney...

Monday, November 15, 2010

Let's just do this thing

Okay Miss has begun...let the games begin...stage 1 complete...the reign on the Trailer Park Queen begins now...