Thursday, November 7, 2013

Things I learned on the mountain...

Grabbed the kiddos last week and headed for the hills.
We had a family vacation at Mammoth Lakes
: )
Here are a few things that I learned...
1.  My hubby drives fast, but he is a badass and got us 400 miles in 6 hours.
(not a whole lot of traffic on the San Diego freeways at 4 am on a Sunday)
2.  20-35 mph winds with 60 mph gust will take the pinecones right off of a tree and slam them against the condo.
3.  Snow is awesome!  Especially when the hubby already went to the store and local brewery for beer when it was only windy.
4.  Kids raised at sea-level can be endlessly entertained by snow.
5.  I learned how to build a the fireplace of course.
6.  I waste too much food down much more compelled to eat leftovers when the alternative involves driving on an icy road.  No jumping in the car and heading to a chain restaurant or grocery store.
7.  I like having only the basic cables channels...there were a ton of channel on the tv but nothing good on.
8.  I can read 5 books in 7 days.
9.  I am obscenely out of shape!  Being mostly sedentary, while being 44 and at 7,800 ft is not a good combination, but has motivated me to get up off my fat ass!

Friday, August 30, 2013


It is a hope of mine that my seven year old will one day soon realize that screaming "I'm Sorry" at the top of her lungs does not an apology make
I hope she also learns that some things actually ARE her fault - and very rarely her sister's
And that she will talk to us with respect
She will not raise her voice and
she will not stomp her feet when she heads up to her room
I also hope that she figures out that when I say go to your room - that isn't the best time to ask for another chance...because she has already had 2...we go the baseball rout with 3 strikes in this house.
I have no idea where some of this behavior comes from all of the sudden...
I think she is emulating her 13 year old sister...
so that means in our house we have
a 7 year old going on 13
a real 13 year old
a dad who hates his job and works too many hours
and a peri-menopausal mom that just went back to work
oh, stated back this week too

Sunday, August 25, 2013

Almost there...

In the final stretch of Back to School prep...
Living room - clean
Bathrooms - clean
Laundry room - clean
Kitchen - mostly clean and geared up for some baking this afternoon
going to try an bake ahead and freeze some "on the go" type breakfast-y things since I know were are going to be dragging our asses the first couple of weeks
Teenager's room -clean
2nd grader's room - work in progress
she has been right there with me directing me what to get rid of for a big ol' yard sale at my friend's house in two weeks...she has a better location : )
More room for her and a couple of bucks in the meantime...everything that doesn't sell will be dropped off at the thrift store on the way home.
Will be headed back to work tomorrow as well...been working here are there as I can to get some positive cash flow, flowing...
combined with the whole house purge for the yard sale...maybe we can take a little vacation during the 1st quarter break...
I don't mind making a couple of bucks on our old stuff, but at this point I just want to get unused/unloved stuff out of our house!
Our place is 1,323 sf and it can't get any bigger since we live in a townhouse community with an H.O.A. and of course we live one of the only levels (there are 5) that don't have garages!  How can levels 1,2 and 5 have garages, but not 3 & 4?  I am tired of being an expert in shoving 10 pounds of crap in a 5 pound bag.  If we had 1 more bedroom or an actual garage, it would be a little different...maybe...we would probably just buy more crap.

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Ready to embrace routine....

Back to school is almost here!
Get to find out who the little one gets for a teacher tomorrow night and then find out the 8th grader's schedule on Thursday.
I love that my kids are in a charter school system...but man we have to work for it.
if you don't show up to the meeting to fill out and turn in all of your paperwork and emergency contact info, you don't get their STAR tests results from previous year, don't know who their teacher is AND will lose their spot.
I honestly don't know what folks that have both parents working do around modified days, teacher work days, week long quarter breaks and so on
When I was young we went to school every day, ALL day long, had a few Federal holidays off, Christmas break (NOT Winter Break!) and Spring Break and I think for the most part turned out ok.
Now it's half day here, half day there, assemblies every time you turn around and don't forget the fund raisers!
ok, changed my mind...I'm not ready for them to go back to school.

Wednesday, August 7, 2013

Mental Illness and Heart attacks...out of the frying pan and into the fire

So my mom had to cancel her psych appointment to take my dad to the emergency room...
have I mentioned that one of the things that may have led her to "vacation" was the constant care of and fear of my dad dying at any given moment?!
His heart kept stopping and his enzymes were a little elevated, but them let him go...
he is quite famous at several local area hospitals for a variety of reasons, the most blatant one being that he is still alive. 
My mom has always been my source of information on how they are doing while my dad has always sugar coated the issue...
for example...
Dad:  I'm going in for a little procedure.
Mom:  His going to have a cow artery inserted into his forearm for dialysis
And now I have to depend on my dad for info on my mom.
he hasn't even looked at the paperwork from when she was released...we don't even know her diagnosis
my guess is bi-polar
and some of her cognitive tests indicate early signs of dementia...
so who knows, maybe her little breakdown helped them get an early diagnosis for the dementia and she can actually get some treatment that can help.
They only upside of this so far is that I am actually developing a relationship with my's a little late in coming, but I think we are both okay with that...he actually just called me while I was typing this to see if I was okay

Sunday, August 4, 2013

Trying to keep on with the keeping on..

Trying to be the little engine that could, but my caboose is dragging...
got totally shit-faced drunk on white Russians last night and then unloaded all my pent up emotional ju-ju on the poor hubby.
he took pity on me, bought me fast food this morning and disappeared with the girls for many hours to Balboa Park so mommy could recover
my mom got out of the mental hospital on Friday and is back home
talked to her this morning for a bit
going to be a long road back for her and I am not sure how to deal with it
we had a pretty rocky relationship to start with and some of her tirades did not help at all
I know she went off the deep end and was crazy, but when your mom gives you an eat shit look, tells you that she can't even look at you and then starts yelling things about me to the wall...its a little hard
I tried to describe it to my brother as it wasn't so much that she stabbed me in the heart, but bleeding from a thousand little cuts eventually takes its toll
the other part that sucks...she only got personal and nasty with me...she would repeat things to other people, make these crazy lists, try to get my 7 year old to help her sort her meds for the week and just be generally "manic" but with me she criticized my parenting, told me I was an outsider, blamed me for my father's health problems and tried to change some of our history be rewriting it in her favor...
They say you can't change stupid...well, I've discovered that you can't defend yourself against crazy and you can't "un-hear" things even if you know that someone wasn't in their right mind when they said them... 

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Vacation...or as I like to call it - a preview of Hell...

If I say Vacation...
you would probably think of relaxing, comfortable, carefree days...
If I say Vacation on Florida's Emerald Coast...
You may add beautiful water and white sandy beaches
Some may even throw in a Unicorn and a rainbow or two...
None of these things happened.
Oh, don't get me wrong...the beautiful water and white beaches are still there...we just didn't really get to see them more than once...
Did I mention I was there for 4 weeks?!
Here's where the multiple rant/purging sessions begins..
the beginning...
Should have known something was up when our inbound plane coming to take us out of
San Diego was late that something was amiss...
Then when we hauled ass thru Houston's airport and missed the connecting flight by 3 minutes, only to find out that it left 4 minutes early...I should have started praying or burning some sage or something...
The airline put us up for the night and gave us some vouchers...really kind of them considering it was their fault.  I have no idea why that let that plane leave early...there were at least 7 of us that missed that connection and we would have made it if they had just held to the schedule.
I already have to take a break.
The preview of days to come:
setting up to care for ill father in mother's absence
monsoon like rain for 7 days
vomiting child
another vomiting child
water moccasins in back yard
snake in garage
mom's delayed plane
mom's complete mental breakdown
mom's 1st hospitalization
trip to Walmart for enemas and depends
mom's 2nd hospitalization
mom's involuntary 72 mental hold
leaving ill father to come back home while mom is going to be held for longer period of time...
someone start the assembly of the White Russian brigade

Thursday, May 2, 2013

My life as a tree...

This is how I started out and how I am perceived by most people
Tall, Strong, Not easily bent or pushed over, long lasting, able to stand the test of time..

This is what I am after months and months of verbal beat downs, sarcasm, insults, dirty looks and disrespect...

I can only support you, console you, comfort you, so much...
I can only offer a limited amount of advice...
I can only offer so many suggestions...

before I just plain ol' run out...

I can only take so much negativity before it seeps into me
I can only take so many insults before I overflow
If you take your life out on me, who did I get to take mine out on?
The kids?
No, the buck stops here
and it sucks

Sunday, March 24, 2013

Baby Steps

I feel like a proud new momma!!!
My mom got to take my dad home and he is walking again :)
He uses a walker and they had to rearrange the house a bit, but he is home and taking the necessary steps (haha) to get back on track.
Mom has even taken him out on a couple of field trips to work and getting his hairs cut.
They even have a neighbor that recently became a massage therapist and she is going to come over and massage his legs one or twice a week.
He is going to dialysis 3 times a week, but we are in the hopes that he can stop in the not too distant future or at least go for 3 hours instead of 4 1/2...his bony ass just can sit still that long.
He wants to try and drive the block a worries though, his right leg was unaffected and his doesn't drive a stick...I do hope that my mom goes with him tough...
partly for his safety and the safety of others, but mostly for mine...
I have a secret...
He asked me to stash a pack of cigarettes and working lighter for him before I flew back home...
and I didn't.
I did leave a very sweet and heartfelt card, but I don't think he is going to see it as sweet.
He even threatened to cut off my Christmas present.
I love my dad more than I love his money.
I also told him that I couldn't ask him to do something that i wasn't willing to do myself.
I smoke when I drink, when I am home in Fla and when I am mad, but no more : )
We'll see how is goes when I actually go back home, but I think I can do it.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

F&*% me running in a snowstorm...

I just can't keep up!
Too much, too fast, too often
My dad's health...a summary
2/15 goes in for procedure to have clot removed from fistula
2/16 starts coughing up blood, goes to ER then home
2/17 starts coughing up too much blood, 911 and a ride to the ER...bleeding to much, can't do tests...gets lights and sirens all the way to big hospital a few towns over...
2/18 still bleeding, being observed
2/19 go up his leg, into his heart and over to lungs to stop bleeding
2/20 bleeding stops but has an embolism in his spine and now does not have use of his legs
2/21 in looking for answer to legs, realize that his aneurysm has grown and needs to be handled
one way of handling aneurysm will kill kidneys, so have to travel to Texas to get fixed...on his own dime!
While Dad is in hospital...Mom starts having major, serious IBS issues and has to take herself down to the ER
Things stay the same and they start looking for rehab facilities to get legs back on line while waiting for answer from Texas
2/26 I fly home, Dad goes to rehab, Mom falls apart
they start to fight and I have to keep them separated for 2 1/2 days
He is doing great at rehab and even walks 24 feet with little help
3/3 I fly back home
3/4 he starts going downhill a bit, gets a fever has to get a Foley cath, has breathing issues
3/5 transported by ambulance to yet another hospital, has 2 blood transfusions, gets breathing treatments every 3 hours for COPD issues and goes on dialysis in the am
I need a drink!
Will probably fly back home again in a week or so...
feels kind of feels good to vomit all of this out : )

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Channeling my inner Homer Simpson
waiting for the hubby to come home after filling up his growler
local brewery that has some pretty awesome stuff
and I am super excited because he is NOT bringing home an IPA
we use to laugh and gag at those hop-py pints of fermented piss and now he not only drinks them...he likes it and the hop-py-er the better
guess he finally found a way to keep me from drink his beer
I have been on a chai latte & Bailey's kick anyway
: )

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

Favorite quote of the week

It comes from Kelle's blog Enjoying the Small Things
"I lost my shit"
She is WAY preggo and the mommy to Lainey that just started Kindergarten this year and awesome Nella who just turned three and has Down Syndrome...
I think I have just found my theme for the year
: )
Losing my shit can be good, bad and everything inbetween
I want to be so fun, footloose and fancy free this year that people think that I seriously lost my shit
Here we go!
Day 1
Going to get off my ass and while a good, homecooked and nutrious meal is being oprepared and cooked - I am going ot COMPLETELY clean out my dining room so that my husband loses his shit when he gets home...
Gotta go take some "before" pics!!!!

The cooties have invaded

This house is a cess pool of germs
: (
A little over 2 weeks ago...
12  year gets sick for 2 days
gives it to her sister
6 year sick for 7 days
gives it to her father
hubby sick for 6 days
gives it back to the 12 year old
she is on day 3...
and now I have a headache and a stuffed up nose...
I don't see this ending any time soon...