Thursday, March 31, 2011

My Life as a Chameleon

It's the weirdest thing...
I don't fit in...
anywhere.

I can adapt to my surroundings, carry on reasonably intelligent conversations with different folks, with different backgrounds...
In junior high and high school, I was friends with jocks, punks, band geeks, regular geeks, cheerleaders, stoners, brainiacs, I think I about covered all of the cliques...but never had one of my own...
I lived on the other side of town in our double-wide...the kids in my neighborhood went to the junior high and high school a mile and a half up the street and I got to ride the big yellow bus...
I took Tae kwon do after school and because of my height, I took the adult classes, so I became everyones little sister...ok to hang out with in class, but never got to go have fun afterwards...sometimes i did the annoying little sister thing and got to tag along, but not often
In college I hung out in the "alternative" club scene and it was great - I never felt so alive or so welcomed...until everyone found out I wasn't bi and didn't do any drugs...still they let me hang out on the fringes (because I DID drink like a fish and smoke like a chimney and LOVED to dance and go to local live shows.)
Then I fell in love and packed up my shit and headed to Cal-i-forn-i-a!  Went from being a kind of big fish in a little pond (hey, you go out 6 out of 7 nights a week and you get to be like Norm on Cheers!) to living outside of a city with a population of 1.3 million...I'll just keep my self and my attitude at home thank you...
Thought I fit in pretty good with his family (not really the case...see previous posts), we got married, goofed off for a number of years...had a kid...bought a townehouse...had another kid...
I'm too old to really fit in to the current stay at home mommy crowd, although I do have some "friends", I have some friends at church, but we mostly just talk on the phone and say "hi" at church...I work with a great bunch of ladies, but it's just work...
I feel like everybody's plan B...the girl to go to when no one else is availalbe...I'm good for a laugh and an inapprpriate comment or two (let's face it, it's more like 112) this even applies to the hubby...don't get too upset with him, it's a situation I helped create...he likes crowds and action and I am a homebody...

Maybe my mom should have tied a pork chop around my neck...then i would have at least had the dog...

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Not the happiest place on earth....

So, I'm supposed to be at Disneyland right now...a surprise trip for the kiddies to go up and meet their 2nd cousins visiting from Pennsylvania...and wouldn't you know, my 11 year old comes down with the stomach flu at 11:00 last night - SURPRISE!!!!!

Flipping stinks!  Thank God I didn't tell them the plans, I don't think we would have survived the fallout from the disappointment.  My cousin does have 2-day hopper tickets, so we might try again tomorrow...but it isn't really a good day for it...

The best laid plans...go to waste - ugh!!!!

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

If it doesn't kill me, I'll get stronger ...right?!

Well, I should have Superman like stretgth by this point....

The bathroom remodel is coming along slowly, but surely...and now I have a major issue in the living room...

Made 2 - 8" round cakes for my hubby's birthday...then make a batch of buttercream frosting, divided it in half so each of the girls could decorate their our cake...and then we went on our merry way...yes, I forgot to clean up after us and...the dog reached up onto the counter and grabbed the green food coloring and went to his favorite chew it up spot...can you guess where that is?!

Under the stairs in the living room...can you guess what happened?!  Can you guess what color my carpet is now?  My light tan 50 oz, cushy carpet now has green spots!!!!!  I googled some solutions on line and came up with one and now the spots are lighter, with a lighter color of tan around them...so I either bleached out spots on my carpet or my carpet was a lot dirtier than i thought.  While I am hoping for the latter...it is going to require applying the solution to my entire living room.  I am going to do it with my little green machine, which may kill it, but it beats replacing the carpet...maybe I should just replace the dog?!

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Distance can make the heart grow fonder...

AND drive you totally batshit when one of your parents is sick!!!!!

I sit here in not too sunny California while my dad sits in ICU in sometimes sunny Florida (who nicknamed it the sunshine state btw?  No one who actually lived there - geesh!)

I know he's getting the best care and he really likes the hospital and the doctors, but it just sucks being this far away....actually if I was there it would be hard to see him because he is in a militray hospital.  He is actually a bit of a legend there...no one knows why or how (even with all their cool stuff and meds) that he is actually alive.  He is actually pretty proactive in is health management too...(not that his health problems will make him put down the cigarettes (Malboro Lights) or the Bud Light...but he did move on from Menthols and Bourbon...baby steps folks)  He carries around this 3" binder with all his latest lab results,  PET scans, ultrasounds, current meds, previous meds, why he doens't take previous meds, 3 times a day blood pressure readings, doctors names and numbers (same with the specialists) so that once he is in ER they can hit it, get it and go...they all know him as "the guy with the book".  That and every Christmas Eve he and my mom (or he, me and my girls or just he and I) go down to the hospital and give every floor some homemade Christmas cookies and goodies.  He likes to take care of people that take care of him and when you have heart diesase, vascular disease, lung cancer, lung removal, 50% lung capacity, 30% kidney function, skin cancer, an anyorism (sp?), elevated PSA issues, osteoprosis, and these are just the big ones (he looks like frankenstein with his shirt off due to so many bypasses and such)...you take care of people and have your shit together when you walk in the door.
Ok, gotta go take my mind of this and go scrub something!

Sunday, March 20, 2011

sooo close, I can almost taste it....

and I can definitely SMELL it!  I found a Rustoleum product that is a 2 part epoxy paint to help rescue the FAIL that has been our attempt at bathroom remodeling...I guess there is a reason we were renters for so long...
The fake "cocoa" colored cultured marble is now white and STINKS!!!!  It totally has that trailer park feel that is so much a part of my life (i.e. - it has some bumps and what I do believe is hummingbird poop imbedded in the final product)  Oh well, it ain't pretty, but it's mine and now we will be able to get a buzz while we are taking care of nature's basic needs.  It can't be exposed to water for three days (and you are supposed to use this to refinish a bathtub...duh-winning!) so we can't start putting the sucker back together until Monday afternoon...I think I will start the process and glue the vanity top down, so that even if the hubby hates it - he'll be kind of stuck with it ; )

Depending on what the outlook is and whether or not I can get a picture off without actually being in it - I might post one or two of the finished...we'll see, it will probably take us a year to get it finished...but my mom will be here in three weeks, so I am sure that will light a fire up under my man's undercarraige!

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Time to re-up the Prozac Rx

Maybe I am in the middle of some mid-life crisis or maybe it's just that too many "big" things are happening so close together or maybe I have too much of a tough outer shell and no one realizes that I am mushy on the inside...and why is it when I show any kind of weakness (a.k.a - natural human responses to juju-like stimuli) the wheels start to fall off everyone else's bus?! 

This is why I act so tough and self-sufficient (sp?) all the time!  I flippin have to!!!!!  I get to the end of my rope...tell people that I am at the end of my rope and they just go on their merry way...then when the shit hits the fan and I hit the Prozac AND the Marlboro Menthol Light 100's and run around in tears - they get grumpy?!  I'm sorry, did I miss something here?! 

I try to keep my problems and girlie feelings to myself (I know this is wrong), but I don't want to add to anyone else's problem (again, I know - wrong) and now that I don't really trust too many people in my extended family, I have lost some of the folks I used to be able to vent to...

Thank you cyberspace for the outlet for bitchin and whining you have given me and thanks to those who stop by to check on me/listen to me/drive slowly by my curent wreck...

Ugh!  Gonna head downstairs and build/paint/repurpose something, because those blogs are much mo better than these ones lately.

No more bitchin' and whining for today (tomorrow? maybe) and figuring out what I need and how to get it so I can feel better and get "me" back.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

And the hits keep coming

Just when I think my mother in law is finished being a total biatch...she steps it up a notch...

Apparently there was a lovely gathering this weekend at her home with all six of her children and their significant others...oh wait, Ms Iz wasn't there because she just had a baby a bit ago...and oh yeah - we weren't invited...

WHATEVER!!!!!

I don't really care what she thinks about me, really I don't - I couldn't possibly make everyone happy all the time and I refuse to change who I am to fit into anyone's plans...if I'm not going to change who I am for my husband, why the hell should I change for her?!

What do I care about?  The way she ignores my husband and that my kids are missing out being with their cousins as a group.  We have always hung out with everyone on our own, but they are missing the drama dogpile that is family BBQ with everyone...
Also, the hubby didn't even do anything...and I do mean ANYTHING!  She yelled at me and stopped talking to him...doesn't even make eye contact with him at church...that's right you heard me AT CHURCH....no wonder so many people out there in the world think that Christians are hypocratic losers - yikes!  Not saying that I am the poster child for Christianity, but I can turn the other cheek when needed, I don't preach at others (at all, really) and just try to treat others the way I want to be treated. 
So much of who I am boils down to respect...respect who I am and what I am doing (whether you agree with it or not) and I will do the same for you.  Disrepect me and "Bye - bye".  Life is too short and way too complicated these days for me to deal with people that can't even follow the most basic of Kindergarten rules.
Whew, I may not feel any better really, but it nice to take an emotional dump out here in cyberspace...